Monday, October 15, 2012

Don't Forget to Remember Me

Will and I met again with Pastor Alex on Friday. In the hurricane of emotions that has been the last week, Alex asked us something we hadn't thought much about: "How is your relationship doing through all of this?"

...Loaded question, huh? Sometimes you get so caught up in the bad, you may forget to nurture the things that hold you together. Your relationships with your partner, your friends, your children.

It has been a rough few months; Will's transition from one business to the next, this pregnancy not being a terribly easy one (I've been very sick and tired for the majority of it), all the while having to maintain our roles as parents to our boys. Had we lost ourselves and our commitment to each other? Will that commitment survive this trial that we are now facing? Are we supporting each other in the most effective ways we can? I can tell you this: Will has been my rock, and I can only hope he feels the same about me. He has stayed by my side almost every moment of the last seven days, and has supported all the ways I have chosen to cope (my incessant research, my blogging, my crying, etc.) I feel very lucky for him today.

This weekend, our friends Shawn and Rachel offered to take us away to the coast so we could try to get out minds off of Leila's condition and what the future will hold. We departed for Lincoln City on Saturday, where we stayed in a beautiful beachfront house and enjoyed a relaxing day at the Spa at Salishan on Sunday. We laughed, we cried, we made delicious food, we thanked God for good friends and our little girl, and we soaked up the love that our amazing friends gave us. It was just what we needed.

Yep, I'm in a onezy... and Will loved it.

Me and Rach <3

Then there is Dallas. My sweet boy with the biggest, most sensitive heart. Last week, I felt I wasn't in the position to care for him in the ways he needs. He needs constant attention (as children do), he asks lots of questions, and this Mommy was a bit too tired and distracted to provide the answers. We were very lucky to have his Grandma Jennifer and Aunt Kelsie available to whisk him away and keep him entertained while we processed for the week. We haven't told him about Leila's condition, and we haven't made plans to do so. We feel that we will know if and when the time is right. If that is when she's born, so be it. If we come across a peaceful moment between and now and then where we feel comfortable and confident, we will share with him. It is, however, pretty amazing the intuition that children have. While with his Grandma, Dallas questioned heaven and death. He asked if everyone goes to heaven, and expressed that he understands babies sometimes die, even in their mommy's belly. For now, he is loving me and my belly and little Leila constantly. He has a pretty strong mom, and I have a feeling he inherited some of those genes... he called out to me from his bedroom last night at bedtime, and asked for an extra hug. When I'd usually yell at him to quit stalling sleep and close his eyes, I gladly walked in and gave him a big squeeze. Sometimes I need an extra hug too.


With love,


  1. You are so awesome!! Can't thank you enough for sharing this. It has opened my heart up again! I needed that. x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

  2. Emilee this brought me to tears I had no idea any of this was going on. You are such a strong and wonderful lady I know you will make through these hard times. Always here for you!!